i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
