If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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