I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
