I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize