sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
