Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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