I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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