If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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