Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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