The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
bring money and cleavage
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
