youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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