is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
