I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
