I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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