I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
