When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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