dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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