Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
