I cannot find my penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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