since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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