two words: eviction party
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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