Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
