the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i need some magic done to my vagina
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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