I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
