We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
