Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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