happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
