she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
