M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
