gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
