So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
