he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
