I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
