They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
