hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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