Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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