our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
