if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
