I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
