so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
