haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
