My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
