Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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