all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
