The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I believe in your delicious
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
