I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
