Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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