she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
