I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
