shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
