I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
