FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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