the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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